Our pets lead relatively short lives, for many of us who love pets their death may be as painful as the death of a relative or close friend. Indeed I has frequently seen owners more affected by the loss of their pet than the loss of a human. In my view the process of grieving for a pet is no different than mourning the death of a human being. When a pet dies we expect our pain to be acknowledged even if it is not shared by those about us. This grief may be compounded by lack of response from a friend or family member. You should realize that you do not need anyone else's approval to mourn the loss of your pet, nor need you justify your feelings to anyone. Try not to take against those who cannot appreciate the depth of your grief, the joy of the bond that existed between your pet and yourself is not given to everyone. Instead confide in people who will understand your pain, your vet, groomer or another pet owner. Above all realize that your reaction to losing your pet is a normal response and these emotions can be considered a tribute to what your pet has meant to you.
I am told that there are five stages of mourning, these are universal and are experienced by people from all walks of life. While I am sure that I have seen all the following reactions in some owners it is clear that not all owners suffer grief in such a well catalogued way.
1. Denial and Isolation:
This tends to be the first reaction to such trauma, it is a normal reaction and a defence mechanism that buffers the immediate shock.
2. Anger:
When denial wears off then anger may take its place, we deflect our emotions by aiming them at people about us, complete strangers or family. It may well be the veterinary surgeon who takes the brunt at this time. He is the one after all who should have been able to cure the animals illness and the one who actually took the animal's life. Anger paradoxically may be aimed at the dying or deceased pet whose act of leaving us may perceived as being the cause of our pain and anger.
3. Bargaining:
If only we had sought a second opinion, if only we had sought advice earlier, if only we had changed the animals diet, these are normal thoughts in this stage. Secretly we may try to make a deal with God in an attempt to postpone the inevitable.
4. Depression:
This is a reaction to the loss and the practical implications of the loss such as the burial or disposal arrangements of the pets body, sadness predominates in this stage of mourning. This phase may be eased by clarification and reassurance. In this phase some co-operation and a few kind words from others will be of value. This is the time when we prepare to separate and bid our pet farewell.
5. Acceptance.
This phase is marked by withdrawal and calm but is not a period of happiness.
My firm belief is that most people should get another pet as soon as they possibly can. I am not implying that the new pet can act as a direct replacement for the one which has gone, that can never be possible. The new pet will however fill a large void in the animal lovers life and will shorten and ease the period of mourning. I often broach this subject very soon after the death of a pet and I know I have caused some resentment in doing so. However with the vast majority of people to be told to get a new pet as soon as possible is the best advice.
In my experience children are more able to understand the loss of a pet than most adults think. Indeed most adults are surprised to find how well most children accept the death of their pet if they are prepared with truthful and direct explanations of what has transpired and the reasoning behind it. With exposure to today's media such as television many children have from a young age an understanding of the concept of death that was perhaps lacking in previous generations.
When explaining the situation to a young child avoid saying such things as " put to sleep " as this could develop a sleep phobia in the child. Another phrase to avoid is " Your pet has gone to God " as this can lead to a feeling of resentment in the child against God. It is probably best to use the terms death or dying instead with children as this will lead them to the understanding that all living things must eventually die. As a pet professional I sometimes am asked speak to my client's children about the death and euthanasia of their pets, I would imagine most pet professionals would be pleased to do so. If this is properly handled I believe such conversations can be beneficial to the child concerned. From my experience I think on balance that it is a bad thing to have the owner's children present during the actual act of euthanasia but it may well be beneficial if they are allowed to see the animal shortly after death and give it a last pat .. a final act of farewell.
One positive aspect of the experience can be that the death of a pet is an opportunity for a children to learn that their parents can be relied upon to extend comfort and reassurance in difficult times. Above all encourage your child to express his or her feelings at this difficult time and not keep things bottled up inside. Children who can grieve and then let go of their grief will be better prepared for future losses in their lives.
In most veterinary practices euthanasia is carried out by means of a lethal injection, the drug used is usually a concentrated anaesthetic called pentobarbitone. The animal may feel a slight discomfort as the needle passes through the skin and into the vein but that discomfort is usually very minor, the animal is unconscious a few seconds after the pentobarbitone enters the vein and death occurs very shortly afterwards. Be aware that when animals die they may make stretching movements or have muscle tremors for a few minutes after death, this is normal, remember they are already dead at this point. You may also on occasion see the animal make a gasp shortly after death [ The last gasp ] but again this is normal. The animal's body will start to become stiff [ Rigor Mortis ] some hours after death.